Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Holy Carrots, Holy Sticks!

I'm back for yet another sadly typical entry into the Social Catastrophe! This entry has no larger theme really, but if you read it you just might meet the cute boy/girl of your dreams tomorrow! Unfortunately, that Carrot is unlikely to work, as I know all of my readers are in nice comfortable relationships.  Meanwhile, I am blasted by the hell-scape of modern American discourse alone, with no loving arms to retreat to. It is like this 'Invasion of the Body Snatchers' scenario where I fear I'll wake up one morning and be "one of them". I can only hold on to the distant memory of my Kindergarten girlfriend giving me a peck on the cheek, before we were forever torn apart by her parents' divorce, all before 1st grade. Scant fuel to keep hope alive, I tell you.

I'm mostly over her. Her name was Susie Wheelock. I remember after her birthday party we played in the frozen swamp behind her house. A frozen swamp can be romantic when the fluffy snow drifts down in just the right way...

... Anyway, yeah, this whole blog is about that effect. Facebook, and the way that if left untrimmed, you are exposed to enough crazy that you start to question yourself. I need my views validated. I need someone to lie to me and tell me it's going to be alright.

Mike Muir lets me know... I'm not crazy. He's no Susie Wheelock (she was very mature for her age), but he'll do for now.

So, where on the doll did Facebook touch me today? Well, let's just comment on this one as we go along. It was a woman I had gone to High School with, and her post started with this photo:

Oh my, that is honestly completely awful! Why the hell is this woman posting a picture showing a bunch of bloody corpses lying in the street in the aftermath of a horrible auto accident?!?! Is this breaking news about some kind of awful attack or something? I don't think this woman is into "Faces of Death" style gore porn... (I mean, that would be totally crazy, those people keep these pics to themselves and friends they know share that kind of interest, right?) Maybe this will be about the dangers of Drunk Driving or something? Oh... there is some text!  Let us see what it says:

A man of 32 years, was smoking, while smoking his cigarette, he puffed out some smoke into the air and said:'God, that's for you.'
He died at the age of 32 of LUNG CANCER in a horrible manner.
The man who built the Titanic
After the construction of Titanic, a reporter asked him how safe the Titanic would be. With an ironic tone he said: 'Not even God can sink it'
The result: I think you all know what happened to the Titanic
Marilyn Monroe (Actress)
She was visited by Billy Graham during a presentation of a show. He said the Spirit of God had sent him to preach to her. After hearing what the Preacher had to say, she
said: 'I don't need your Jesus'.
A week later, she was found dead in her apartment
Bon Scott (Singer)
The ex-vocalist of the AC/DC. On one of his 1979 songs he sang: 'Don't stop me; I'm going down all the way, down the highway to hell'.
On the 19th of February 1980, Bon Scott was found dead, he had been choked by his own vomit.
Campinas (IN 2005)
In Campinas , Brazil a group of friends, drunk, went to pick up a friend..... The mother accompanied her to the car and was so worried about the drunkenness of her friends and she said to the daughter holding her hand, who was already seated in the car: 'My Daughter, Go With God And May He Protect You.' She responded: 'Only If He (God) Travels In The
Trunk, Cause Inside Here.....It's Already Full '
Hours later, news came by that they had been involved in a fatal accident, everyone had died, the car could not be recognized what type of car it had been, but surprisingly, the trunk was intact. The police said there was no way the trunk could have remained intact. To their surprise, inside the trunk was a crate of eggs, none was broken
Christine Hewitt (Jamaican Journalist & entertainer)
Said the Bible (Word of God) was the worst book ever written.
In June 2006 she was found burnt beyond recognition in her motor vehicle.
Many more important people have forgotten that there is no other name that was given so much authority as the name of Jesus. Many have died, but only Jesus died and rise again, and he is still alive....'Jesus' I have done my part by sharing this with you, Jesus said 'If you are embarrassed about me, I will also be embarrassed about you before my father.'
You are my 8 in 8 seconds. I am not breaking this.. No way!
Bishop T..D. Jakes '8 Second Prayer.'
Just repeat this prayer and see how God moves!!
'Lord, I love you and I need you, come into my heart, and bless me, my family, my home, and my friends, in Jesus' name. Amen.'
As you pass this message You will receive a miracle tomorrow. I Hope that you don't ignore.
God bless you as you share this divine message



That is what she wanted to tell me and everyone who was her Facebook friend.

She wanted to show me bloody corpses in the street. Tell me about a woman burned alive in a vehicle, body charred beyond recognition, who had said critical things about the Bible. About a God who apparently allows young women to die in an awful wreckage but saves a crate of eggs in the trunk just to make a point.

This woman believes that God exists, and intervenes to save those who have been nice to him, and allows (or actively inflicts) horror, torture and death on those that have displeased him.

This woman believes in the power of Chain Letters. "I'M TOLD THIS WORKS!!!!!" is enough to convince her of the power of "Bishop T..D. Jakes '8 Second Prayer'".  Who is "Bishop T..D. Jakes"?

"As you pass this message You will receive a miracle tomorrow. I Hope that you don't ignore." Oh... that is quite a carrot (God grants you a miracle) and stick (God burns you alive in your car, leaving an unrecognizably charred corpse) situation going on. Oh man, why is it like this? Why are people like this?


I want to hold Susie Wheelock for a very long time.